I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
