would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
