I need to stop coming to work sober
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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