it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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