i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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