The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
