So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
