my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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