i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
