college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
