It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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