No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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