I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
