i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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