I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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