i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
