The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
