Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
