i think my mom watched the whole time
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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