The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
