last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
