wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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