Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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