I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
