i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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