took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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