i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
