When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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