I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
