I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
