I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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