and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
