I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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