i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
