Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
