this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
then he tried to convert me to islam
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
