Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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