drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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