I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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