I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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