You work out of a Hotel?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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