How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
