Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
