I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
