I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
