it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dicks are not precious.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
