Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
