smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
