Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
