and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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