i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
