Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
