This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
