And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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