If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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