i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
