Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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