What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
