Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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