I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
