Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
