Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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