I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
