pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
