You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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