oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
