It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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