Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
