Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
