cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize