I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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