i think my tv is drunk
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
