he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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